1 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,548 Na-no, na-no! 2 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,274 Okay, attention, everybody. 3 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:39,142 I would like to propose a toast 4 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:40,877 to Mr. Bickley on his birthday. 5 00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:45,804 Well, thank you. 6 00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:51,688 Happy bickday, Birth! 7 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:52,889 Yeah, um... Well... 8 00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:54,357 my colleagues and moi have created 9 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:55,592 the world's first Mork-o-gram, 10 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,360 utilizing the letters of your name. 11 00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:58,928 Ready? 12 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:03,967 ♪ "B" is for The buddy that ♪ 13 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:06,069 ♪ You've always been To me ♪ 14 00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:08,705 "I" is for the illusions you've shattered, 15 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:12,063 like when you told me the Easter bunny has rabies. 16 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:16,779 "C" is for cake. When do we eat? 17 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,082 Why isn't this working out like I planned? 18 00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:21,884 All right, Morkettes. Plan B. 19 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,487 ♪ Da-da, da-da Da da ♪ 20 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:26,678 Happy 50th, Bickley! 21 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,695 That's terrific. 22 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,631 Would the Morkettes like a piece of cake? 23 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,099 No, thanks, Mindy. 24 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:39,102 The moment was enough for me. 25 00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,570 Well, come along, little munchkins. 26 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:41,605 I'll bring some cake to you 27 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,173 at the day-care center, tomorrow. 28 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,974 You'd better, buster, 29 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:48,167 or I just may forget I'm a lady. 30 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,381 That was really sweet of those little girls. 31 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,782 Thanks, Mork. 32 00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:55,752 I didn't have the heart to tell them I was only 49. 33 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,288 Forty-nine? Wait a minute. 34 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,790 We called your son Tom, and he said you were 50. 35 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,959 Oh, he confuses me with Paul Newman. 36 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,430 Hey, look, I'll show you my driver's license. 37 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,065 That will prove conclusively 38 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,668 that I'm really only... There, you s... 39 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,505 Oh, my God. I am 50. 40 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,041 Well, welcome to the half-century club. 41 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,209 So we're 50. So what. 42 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,943 At 50, our lives are just beginning. 43 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,445 No, but... Yes. If you were a tortoise, 44 00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:23,446 you'd be just a baby. 45 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:24,781 Mm-hm. If you were an elephant, 46 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,015 you'd be a teenager. 47 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,006 And if you were a dog, you'd be dead. 48 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,590 I-I feel like 49 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,958 I've lost a whole year. 50 00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:37,661 I mean, I'm 50. 51 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,962 All those things I've never done. 52 00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,064 What kind of things? 53 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,166 You know, stuff you put off. 54 00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:45,935 Like, well, I've never read the entire Bible. 55 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,770 I've never seen the Grand Canyon 56 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,173 or Niagara Falls. 57 00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:52,209 You know what really gets me? 58 00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:55,812 I never told my son the facts of life. 59 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,347 How old is he? 60 00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,216 Twenty-seven. 61 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,350 He's probably still up. 62 00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,641 Give him a call. 63 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,922 I'll bet he's with some girl, 64 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,425 wondering what to do. 65 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:11,228 Nobody ever had to tell me the facts of life. 66 00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,596 Guys know. Right, Mork? 67 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:15,665 Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! 68 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:16,966 Yeah, thanks. 69 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,202 Let's face it, I'm an old man. 70 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,803 So many things I should have done 71 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,373 and didn't do. 72 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,941 Opportunity raced by 73 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,777 and left me sniffing its exhaust. 74 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:30,079 Oh, come on, Mr. Bickley. 75 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,081 Don't be so hard on yourself. 76 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,750 I mean, regrets have nothing to do with age. 77 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:34,951 We all have them. 78 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,253 You know, things we didn't do, 79 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:37,621 things we should have done. 80 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:40,690 Oh, regrets. I've had a few. 81 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,492 But I've... I've handled them my way. 82 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,929 Oh, what could you possibly have to regret, 83 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,531 you little pixie pants? 84 00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:49,699 Well... Ooh, bless you. 85 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,003 Well, the fact that... Well, that my foot 86 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,573 doesn't have a thumb. 87 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:59,142 That my ears don't spin in the wind. 88 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,767 That I never found out who Rula Lenska was. 89 00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:08,618 Hey, you know what might be really interesting tonight? 90 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,254 If we all shared our regrets with everybody else. 91 00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,055 It'll help Mr. Bickley, 92 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,458 and we'll all get to know each other a lot better. 93 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,059 Oh, please say yes. 94 00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:21,063 I'm for anything that will help poor old Mr. Bickley. 95 00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:23,767 Mindy, uh, it's your apartment. Why don't you go first? 96 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,935 It's always her apartment. I live here, too. 97 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,599 I only regret that I don't have her clout. 98 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:33,109 Mindy, what is it that you regret most in your life? 99 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:36,045 Uh... 100 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,215 Oh, I'd really rather not go first. 101 00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,250 Y-You know, kind of shy and all. 102 00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:42,752 Yeah, would anyone like some coffee? 103 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:46,211 Ooh, curiosity at her strange evasion. 104 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,191 Well, then, 105 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:49,292 I'll go first. 106 00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,561 Why did I say that? 107 00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,730 This is going to be embarrassing. 108 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,832 Oh, go for it, Jeanie. 109 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,567 Well... 110 00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,203 what I most regret in life... 111 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,205 has to do with a man named Tony. 112 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,606 I remember him. 113 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:06,965 He was a big guy. Almost 5'8". 114 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,947 He really knew how to talk to me. 115 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:14,050 I was kind of quiet and shy, and... 116 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:17,053 And I really didn't think very much of myself at the time. 117 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,789 But what I saw in Tony's eyes was so much nicer 118 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,759 than anything I'd ever seen in my own mirror. 119 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,327 Can you imagine... 120 00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,630 having somebody make you feel that special? 121 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,335 How long did you and this Tony go together? 122 00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,504 Two months... 123 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,806 before I found out he was married. 124 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:40,499 Married. You mean he was cheatin' on ya? 125 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,046 Now, wait a second. 126 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,230 That guy, Tony, you dated him over a year. 127 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,351 That's my regret. 128 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:49,853 I can't believe this. 129 00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:54,223 My little sister playing Dallas, in the Bronx. 130 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,826 Mindy, would you like to go next? 131 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,461 Oh... uh, I'd rather not. 132 00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,329 You know, Nelson's dying to go next. 133 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:01,598 He is? Yeah. 134 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:02,999 I bet the only thing that he regrets 135 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,657 is his little pink eyes can't stand this much light. 136 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,711 Actually, my biggest regret is that Glenda stiff-armed me 137 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,446 at the drive-in last night. 138 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,847 Ooh. I told you, 139 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,182 that's not where the popcorn dropped. 140 00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:23,420 Ooh. 141 00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:24,687 Come on now, Nelson. 142 00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,689 There must be something in that albino soul of yours 143 00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,391 that you wanna let out of there. Come on. 144 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,727 Let it out. Let it fly. Open up, open up, open up. 145 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,530 Yeah, make us cry. 146 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,364 Well... there is something. 147 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:36,800 It's been haunting me for years. 148 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,367 I was 15... 149 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,759 That's a good one. Who's next? 150 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:45,775 And... every morning, I'd take the bus to school. 151 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,911 The number 26 bus. 152 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,112 One morning, she gets on. 153 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,049 She had the prettiest blond hair I'd ever seen... 154 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,485 besides my own. 155 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,854 She took my breath away. 156 00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,756 I watched her as she sat down. 157 00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,691 About the same distance as Mork is sitting now. 158 00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,894 Oh, really? Kind of like this? 159 00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:08,898 Couldn't take my eyes off her. 160 00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:12,435 I kept staring at her, thinking, 161 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,203 "I've gotta meet this person." 162 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,038 But before I could think of how to approach her, 163 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,974 the bus stopped, and she got up to leave. 164 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,142 Ding. 165 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,411 She passed in front of me on the way to the exit. 166 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,947 Mork:: Excuse me. 167 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:27,684 She smiled politely and... 168 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:28,708 got off the bus. 169 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,656 My heart was pounding. 170 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,560 I wanted to meet her and get to know her so bad. 171 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,628 All I had to do was follow her off the bus 172 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,096 and say, "Hello." 173 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,365 But I just sat there. 174 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,267 The bus pulled away. 175 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,731 I watched her through the window. 176 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,342 I saw her grow smaller and smaller 177 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,645 in the distance. 178 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,381 There went my dream. 179 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,718 All right. Well, now, who's gonna go next? 180 00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,052 Mindy? 181 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,420 Oh, I'd really like to, 182 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,389 but I have to get the ice cream for the cake. 183 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,446 I'll go warm up the ketchup. 184 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,229 Min, Min, Min, I sense a certain aversion 185 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,230 to airing your regret. 186 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,532 I mean, am I right? Am I wrong? 187 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,166 Why do I ask another question? 188 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,168 There, I did it again. But... 189 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,603 Oh, Mork, it's just that it's just... 190 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,238 It's very personal. 191 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,206 I'd really rather tell you when we're alone. 192 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,108 Ooh. Our sense of intimacy grows. 193 00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:32,949 Well, ever since I was a little girl, 194 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,951 I wanted to be a dancer. 195 00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:36,986 I always heard music in my head, and... 196 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,756 And my body just seemed to want to move to it. 197 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,525 I started with ballet when... When I was about five, 198 00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,060 and I... I just loved it so much. 199 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,796 And one day, my father said to me, 200 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,997 "Where's the newspaper?" 201 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,466 And I said, "Over there." 202 00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:53,670 Then I fell on my tutu. 203 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:54,704 Well, after the ballet, 204 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,440 there was tap and jazz and modern. 205 00:09:57,464 --> 00:10:00,009 And I just felt so free. 206 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,545 And then Randolph came into my life. 207 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,280 And you know, he loved to dance 208 00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,304 just as much as I did. 209 00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,417 I don't think our feet touched the ground 210 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,519 through our entire marriage. 211 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,989 And then I was alone. 212 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,446 And I haven't felt like dancing since. 213 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,151 It's not right to close off a part of you, is it? 214 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,635 Glenda Faye, would you dance with me? 215 00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:28,004 Oh. You mean now? 216 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,572 Well, I've got the music in me. 217 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,108 Oh. 218 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,843 Oh, no. I don't think so. 219 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,444 Uh, no. Please? 220 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,648 My dad's got a barn. Come on. 221 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:39,649 Come on. 222 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:42,719 Oh, no... Music, minstro. 223 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,357 Ooh! 224 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,965 Ooh! 225 00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:52,035 Aah! 226 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,304 Well, uh... 227 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:11,140 my regret is that women only want me for my body. 228 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,404 What? 229 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,515 Wanna trade regrets? 230 00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:20,917 It's not funny, Mr. Bickley. 231 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,301 It's a curse I've had to live with. 232 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,523 Girls only see me as a plaything. 233 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:30,526 I have a mind too, you know. 234 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,595 I can't believe this. 235 00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,396 I mean, when I'm on a date, all I hear is, 236 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,999 "Remo, make a muscle." 237 00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:40,036 "Remo, make a muscle." 238 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,828 You know how cheap this makes me feel? 239 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,644 Hey, look, at heart, I'm an old-fashioned guy. 240 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,747 I don't know. These days, all women wanna do is 241 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:54,117 grope, grope, grope. 242 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,551 I'm tired of being a phone number 243 00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:58,587 passed around at the beauty parlor. 244 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,489 You understand, don't you, Mr. McConnell? 245 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,091 I want a relationship. 246 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,895 I'm sorry, Remo, but he's already married. 247 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:09,732 I can't help that God built me this way. 248 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,868 You know how it feels when a woman looks at my shirt, 249 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,469 and then whispers to her girlfriend, 250 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,894 "I wonder if they're real"? 251 00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,111 Tragic. 252 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,147 I don't know. I just pray that, somewhere, 253 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,615 there's some woman sensitive enough to... 254 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,317 I don't know, see beyond this... 255 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,220 classic shell of a man. 256 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,391 I wanna... I want her to discover the real Remo. 257 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,026 To reach out for me. 258 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,929 I wanna be talked to. I wanna be held. 259 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,498 Well, I'm sure there's someone 260 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,000 out there somewhere. 261 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,401 I just hope she's built. 262 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,828 Yo, yo, yo, yo! 263 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,479 All right. Who hasn't spilled his guts yet? 264 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,348 Let's see, I think it's... 265 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,650 Mr. McConnell and Mindy. 266 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,486 Um, Dad, will you go next? 267 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,322 Yeah, come on. Tell about the time you were sold 268 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,346 into bald slavery. 269 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,427 Well, there is something I've lived with 270 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:12,428 for quite some time. 271 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,463 Even Mindy doesn't know about it. 272 00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,899 Really? What is it? 273 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,536 It happened November 24, 1950. 274 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,271 In Korea. 275 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,807 It was late, and we were on patrol. 276 00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:27,076 I remember trudging through the frozen mud 277 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,146 in a miserable five below. 278 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,849 Suddenly, the sky lit up with incoming shells, 279 00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:35,651 and we all scattered into the woods. 280 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:39,655 I'd never seen trees broken off at the top before. 281 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,123 Or men, either. 282 00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,026 Now, the shelling stopped, and... 283 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:47,752 I was surrounded by an eerie silence. 284 00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,500 Just then... 285 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,903 I heard the frozen mud crunch behind me. 286 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,271 I whipped around, 287 00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,773 and I saw somebody charge at me with a fixed bayonet. 288 00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:58,774 Before he could get to me, 289 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:01,878 I raised my rifle and I shot him. 290 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:05,836 And he flew back into a shell hole... dead. 291 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,486 Mindy, I killed a man. 292 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,488 Oh, but, Dad, you had to. 293 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,757 He would have killed you. 294 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,825 He was the enemy, Uncle Fred. 295 00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:19,817 When he's 3 feet away, he's another human being. 296 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,699 The look on his face as his life... 297 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:26,502 left him... 298 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:30,106 There are nights when I still see it. 299 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,775 I just wish I didn't have to pull that trigger. 300 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:36,112 If you didn't, Fred, you wouldn't be here with us. 301 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,881 Yeah, and you never would have had Mindy. 302 00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,784 Mork, you're right. Yeah. 303 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:44,409 Now I'd probably be living with Mr. Bickley. 304 00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,893 Then I'd really have a regret to share with you all. 305 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:53,862 My, some of these regrets are heavy. 306 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,464 You know, but they've made me feel 307 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,801 so much closer to all of you tonight. 308 00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:01,170 It feels really very good. 309 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:04,506 I never knew exposing myself was such a warm experience. 310 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,014 Well, it's been an interesting party, 311 00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:13,215 but it's past my bedtime. 312 00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:14,817 Hey, wait a minute. Mindy, you haven't 313 00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,152 told us your regret. 314 00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:19,088 Oh... 315 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,557 No, no, no, no. Sh-She has no regrets. 316 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,059 She's led a perfect life... 317 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,526 thanks to me and her Remington. 318 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,798 Come on, Mindy. 319 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,069 Well, see, I... I really can't, uh... 320 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,704 The door. Oh. 321 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:36,772 Whew. 322 00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,836 Regretus interruptus. 323 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,301 Oh, no. 324 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:48,217 Mork, is that you? 325 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,651 I-It's me, Exidor. 326 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,843 No, I'm Exidor. You're Mork. 327 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:54,991 Who is that? 328 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,360 Exidor, the town loon. 329 00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,129 I resent that, curly. 330 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,198 I don't live in town. 331 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:05,223 I'm a valley guy. 332 00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:12,408 I bring bad news, Mork. 333 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,099 It's not going to be easy. I'd better sit down. 334 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,951 I just got back from the doctor. 335 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:23,952 Which doctor? 336 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,776 Exactly. 337 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:34,463 He told me in Swahili, I've only got 41 years to live. 338 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,055 Here's his note describing my condition. 339 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,697 "your mama." 340 00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:51,047 Uh... Uh, for goodness sakes, 341 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:54,550 Exidor, 41 years is a long time. 342 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:58,109 Easy for you to say, cue ball. You've got your health. 343 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,113 I'm about to punch out. 344 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,261 That's why... 345 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:08,997 I plan to spend my last waning moments... 346 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,999 here in this house... 347 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,035 with my dearest friends. 348 00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:16,572 Imagine our excitement. 349 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:20,142 I'll just lie down unobtrusively. 350 00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,544 All of you vital people 351 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:24,368 just go on with whatever you were doing. 352 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,209 Okay, Mindy. What are your regrets? 353 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:41,263 Remo, there is a man in a robe, lying on us. 354 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:44,100 I couldn't help overhearing. 355 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,735 What's this garbage about regrets? 356 00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,705 We're all telling each other things that we regret the most. 357 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,940 Oh, I've got one... 358 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:57,246 besides the fact that whitey here has got bony knees. 359 00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,949 You know, Mork... I've been feeling... 360 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,819 really down in the dumps, since my wife left me. 361 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,321 Well, you must have been awful shocked 362 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,865 when she bit through the leash and got away. 363 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:13,395 I was feelin' really low there, for a while. 364 00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:16,865 I even let my appearance go. 365 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,301 And then, as fate would have it, 366 00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:22,104 I became attached to another woman. 367 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,006 Deeply attached. 368 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:28,010 My regret is that... I haven't told her my feelings. 369 00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,647 Oh, well, then, by all means, go and tell her now. 370 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,815 Should I, Mork? 371 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:37,052 Should I run to her and risk rejection, 372 00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,821 not to mention mono? 373 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,691 Yes. Yes, go to her! 374 00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:46,016 Let your heart fly, like a moth into a blowtorch. 375 00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,666 I love you, my sweet! 376 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,756 I wanna have your baby! 377 00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:57,094 Oh, no. No way. Not me. 378 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,977 I see. 379 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:05,147 Goodbye whitey, shorty, curly. 380 00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,804 You too, perky. 381 00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,586 You know, Mork, you're the only one here 382 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,810 with a normal name. 383 00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,062 Well, I hate to admit it, 384 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,631 but this has been the best 50-year-old birthday party 385 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,066 I've ever had. 386 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:26,968 And you've all helped me learn something here tonight. 387 00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:29,371 Age has nothing to do with regrets. 388 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,373 I can do all those things I've always wanted to do, 389 00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,374 starting tomorrow. 390 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,518 Who the hell is stopping me? 391 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,213 But tonight, I need my rest. 392 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:42,017 I've got 50 years of living, starting tomorrow. 393 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,285 Come on, Frankie. 394 00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:45,754 Let's see if we can beat these kids to the door. 395 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,823 Well, the guest of honor is leaving. 396 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,926 It doesn't take the roof to fall in on my head. 397 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,994 I know the party's over. 398 00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:55,631 Sorry I didn't get to hear your regret, Mindy. 399 00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,399 Oh, it'll keep. Thank you. 400 00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,400 Thank you. Good night. 401 00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,801 Thanks for coming. Bye. 402 00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,803 Thank you. 403 00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:03,239 Real nice to have friends, huh? 404 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:04,340 Yeah. See ya. 405 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,074 Bye, Remo. Yo, yo, yo! 406 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,113 All right, Mind. You can tell me now. 407 00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:12,314 What was your regret? Come on. 408 00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:14,182 What was your regret? Come on, come on, come on. 409 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:17,486 Okay, okay. Let me sit down. 410 00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:25,961 My regret is... 411 00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:27,529 that my mother had to die 412 00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:29,898 before she got a chance to meet you. 413 00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:33,502 See, I couldn't say that in front of everybody, 414 00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:35,671 because... then I'd have to explain 415 00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:37,873 that I wanted her to know everything about you, and... 416 00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:40,643 And the fact that I came from another planet, and everything. 417 00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,645 Yeah. 418 00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:47,149 And that you're... as close to me as she was. 419 00:21:47,173 --> 00:21:49,873 And that you're the most important thing in my life. 420 00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:52,521 Deeply moved. 421 00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:56,358 Well, my mom would have liked you, Mork. 422 00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:58,294 I just know it. 423 00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:00,496 I would have liked her too. 424 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,264 Yeah... 425 00:22:02,288 --> 00:22:04,232 I know what I would have said to her too. 426 00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:05,233 You do? 427 00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:06,924 Sure. 428 00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:13,975 Hello, Mrs. McConnell. Na-no. 429 00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,634 That's my way of saying shalom. 430 00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:18,503 Yes. 431 00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:25,120 Um, n... Uh, no, ma'am, I... 432 00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:28,123 I don't live around here, I live here. 433 00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:31,026 Well... With Mindy, yes ma'am. 434 00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:32,861 Oh, we're very close. 435 00:22:32,885 --> 00:22:35,497 No, no, no, no, no, no. Not that close. 436 00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:39,368 I don't even know what that is. 437 00:22:39,392 --> 00:22:41,269 But... you see, ma'am... 438 00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:42,671 I'm a... 439 00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:44,415 I'm a... I'm a creature from another planet. 440 00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:49,911 You know, like Alien. 441 00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:51,246 E-Except that I'm cuter, 442 00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:53,615 and I don't skitter across the floor like that. 443 00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:56,852 Oh, um, yes, ma'am, I'm single. 444 00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:59,187 Um, you know, 445 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,723 if it wasn't for Mindy taking in strays, 446 00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:02,524 I would never have a place to be. 447 00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:03,625 I just wanna thank you 448 00:23:03,649 --> 00:23:05,527 for bringing her into this world. 449 00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:09,865 Do I love her? 450 00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,000 Well... 451 00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:13,034 I want us... 452 00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,403 I wanna give her everything I have, 453 00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:15,871 and spend the rest of my life with her. 454 00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,015 Is that love? 455 00:23:19,031 --> 00:23:22,544 Oh, whew. 456 00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:24,112 You know, it's... It's kind of funny 457 00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:25,481 that I had to come millions of miles 458 00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:28,917 to find something deep inside of me. 459 00:23:28,941 --> 00:23:30,701 I wonder if she feels the same way. 460 00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:36,091 Yeah, I-I guess you're right. I should ask her myself. 461 00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:38,093 Thank you, ma'am. 462 00:23:38,117 --> 00:23:40,796 Thank you very much. 463 00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:42,420 I-I-I like you too. 464 00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:51,874 That's what I would have said to your mom. 465 00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:53,375 I got a feeling you're trying 466 00:23:53,399 --> 00:23:55,759 to say something to me too. 467 00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:05,702 Mork, was my mother really here? 468 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,147 She told me to give you something. 469 00:24:16,689 --> 00:24:18,989 I love you, Mindy. 470 00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:22,793 I love you too, Mork.